Expectations--Its not them--Its YOU

Every blog post that I have written so far on this journey has been inspired or even FORCED to the surface by something within my own life--something that I have to deal with. However, I want to write something tonight that is inspired by what I have seen by people around me. People that I love and care about, people that I read on twitter and responses to things that I hear at work from total strangers--

Tonight I want to write about expectations.

This is a tough one for almost everyone that I know. It is the ONE thing in this journey that I think I have mastered (mostly--I am human and I do slip up) to the point where I can help others. It is tough because it is so totally built into us--it is a learned behavior.

Let me try to break it down into one or two sentences:

When you are hurt by someone's actions, responses or words--you are likely hurt because you EXPECTED them to act a different way. You placed an expectation upon them based upon:

1. What you want
2. What you need
3. How YOU would act in the same situation

How about an analogy--

You meet a woman. She is hot. She is smart. She is everything you have ever wanted. You (there is that word again) begin to build her up in your mind. You go on a few dates. She gets better and better. More building occurs--the pedestal gets higher and higher. Then after a little while you invite her to your house for dinner. You tell her that you want her to be with you in your element--"a more comfortable setting," you say.

So, you clean the place up. You make a nice dinner. You change into nice clothes and open a bottle of wine...You wait all day imaging how impressed she is going to be---the doorbell rings. You rush to the door--open it---and there she is----

 In jeans, a wrinkled t-shirt, hair in a ponytail, no makeup--looking like she just woke up. She walks in, kisses you on the cheek and plops down on the couch.

You are disappointed.

Why? What has she done? All she heard from you was this was going to be a dinner in a more comfortable setting. That is what she heard. In her world, THIS is how she is comfortable She is glad that she doesn't have to be in "date mode" anymore. This is how she is...

The pedestal comes crashing down. What about all the work YOU did to clean the house, make the dinner, pick out the perfect wine?

You are disappointed in HER because of expectations that YOU had of her and of the evening. She had done nothing wrong yet---You are disappointed.

How about another.
You ask your brother to babysit your dog while you go out of town. He says "Yes. No problem, Bro!" You don't bring it up again until the day you leave and you show up with your dog, he opens the door and looks surprised. You remind him of his promise and he says "Sorry, man. I forgot. I can't do it...."

You have EVERY right to be upset. That is an expectation that he placed on HIMSELF and gave it to you...

Let's say that you had to go out of town. You need someone to watch your dog. Your brother has done it a few times before so you assume that he will again. You ask him and he says, "Can't help ya man...I got stuff to do this weekend."

You're mad at your brother---Why?

Because you placed an expectation upon him that is based on what YOU thought he would do--

When you are let down by someone--when someone doesn't respond to you the way you want, when someone doesn't say the right things or perform the way you had hoped. Ask yourself why you are upset.

Likely its not them---its you.

________

On another note. I have made a decision that I am going to travel this spring to assist with caring for HIV/AIDS patients, most of them children, in Lima, Peru. I will post more about it in another blog, but I could use your help. I will begin fund-raising to assist with travel expenses. I had more than 1000 unique visitors this week.

If each person gave $3, $4 or $5--I would have enough to pay for the trip. I will be gone for 6 weeks- I need $5000 to make this happen---if you own a business or a website--and make a donation of more than $100--I will take pictures of your logo during my trip from all kinds of locations, and I will tag you in Facebook posts, Twitter and this blog--letting your customers, clients, friends and family know that you cared enough to help--

Let's begin to improve the world by making a difference in 2013--I will do all the work--if you will help me get there. Its tax deductible too! I will provide you with a receipt and proof of where the money goes - So how about a buck? Two? Five? Please use the DONATE button on the right at the top of the column.

Thank you!!

Peace to you!---You know the rest---

Kit