Why?

As I started on this journey--this journal, this adventure--I am struck by a question. This question is perhaps the same question you are asking when you got here for the first time. That question is the same question and that follows nearly every blogger that I have ever read. That question is: "Why?"

Why me? Why now? - Even "Why the goofy title?"

I guess the best way to try to answer is to just go step by step, question by question.

Why Me? (Yeah, Kit...WHY YOU?)

Hey man, don't ask me. Who am I? I am no one special. I have some education in Eastern philosophy but that hardly makes me a Zen Master. I have studied and had a great Zen mentor in the late Zhou Lin, who led me to some honest truths about myself. He was a wonderful connection for me. He got me started on the path to self-understanding and self-acceptance. But he was 93 years old and just as I started to understand, he up and died on me. So there I sat with more questions than answers, until I finally realized what was actually going on. And I guess, we (I) will get into that later.

One of the main reasons I am writing is because, well, very few of us are. There are thousands of blogs out there by women who are exploring their feminine power, their earth goddess connections, their art and their place on this plane. There are thousands of blogs out there from Buddhist "masters" (I will tell you why I put that in quotes later on), Hindi practitioners, vegan spiritualists, tarot-card seekers, monks, and more. And they are all fantastic members of our community of humans that inhabit this planet. But when I read, looking for fulfillment  I don't see any blogs from men--men who don't want to surrender their manhood in order to be enlightened. They don't want to surrender their football, tattoos, beer and rock music in order to progress to a new level of understanding. 

Unfortunately, in the west, we tend to equate compassion, love, spirituality, connection and respect for the earth with being wimpy or un-manly.

I thought like this too. I was convinced that to continue my quest for truth meant that I had to surrender my place at the head of the pack to someone less "oooey oooey." I was convinced that I had to give up all that I was and become something that I wasn't. 

I have since learned better. I have since been told by others, including a very connected woman who I love and have a very special connection with, that my protector, manly, alpha-mentality is what makes me--ME--and that, my friends, is the very definition of ZEN. 

As the great Zen poet, Popeye the Sailor, once said "I am what I am, and that's all what I am."

So Why Now?

The answer to this is simple. Why now? Because NOW is the only time that we have. NOW is when I am meant to be doing this. A huge confluence of incidents have put me in a very interesting position in this world. Some would look at my situation and feel sorry for me. Some would think I was crazy or irresponsible or flat out screwed up. Even my own mother thinks I have lost my marbles.

We will get into ALL of this in later posts, but let me just tell you that, as of right this moment, I am writing this from a dank (that's a great word--use it at some point today--it's neat) hotel room because I don't have a house anymore. I have to walk to work because I don't have a car anymore. Everything I own is in a storage building except for 5 suitcases full of clothes, my guitar, my laptop, my iPod and my camera. 

How this happened is tragic, yes. But mostly its interesting, eye-opening and sometimes, especially when I tell the stories out-loud, funny. As I said, I will start the telling soon, but what this HAS done has given me a unique and real perception of what's important, who my friends are, who loves me and who just SAYS that they do and where I am meant to be.

So why now? Because now is the right time.

Why Macho Zen?

I was talking with the woman that I mentioned earlier. I will just call her "MHL" for now--and no, that doesn't stand for the Minnesota Hockey League--Maybe she will give me permission to use her name at some point but for now, that will have to do. Anyway, I don't want to digress too far. 

I was talking with MHL. We were in the early planning stages of discussing a joint blog--one side from a male perspective, one side from female's---then it eventually lead to a "Kit, you should start--you have so much to say right now--I will jump in later, " statement from her. So I started trying to decide what to call the blog. MHL said that I should really write what's in my heart about being a man--a manly man--a dude, a rocker, a father etc...and I started singing (to the tune of Macho Man by the Village People), "Macho Macho Zen--I've got to be a Macho Zen---"

We both started laughing, yet at the same time, nearly in unison, said "That's it!"

I thought it sounded arrogant and a bit cheesy. MLH, being a creator and a teacher in her soul, said "No. Its exactly the kind of thing that is part of your personality. It is what will draw people to you. It is the kind of thing that you would read, right?"

She was right--as she often is when helping me look at myself. 

So here we go...

In the coming weeks/months I will write about my journey--I will write A LOT, so try to keep up. Hey, you would write a lot too if you were living in a dank (see, that's a cool word) hotel room, sleeping on a crappy bed, eating take-out Chinese and working in an environment that doesn't exactly empower personal freedoms. But I am here because HERE is where I am meant to be.
It is a ZEN thing---

Peace to you until next time--be nice to each other--don't make me pull this car over!

Kit