I've been away. My mind has been at play

Turns out that I am more human than I want to be and more fallible that I had hoped that I was.

I disappeared from my blog for various reasons. The primary being that I felt like I didn't need it, or rather, it didn't need me anymore. I felt like I was not giving it proper attention and therefore it was wilting and didn't care.

So I left. I was gone from writing because my mind was elsewhere. It was with women, work, family and ego.

Lesson learned.

In the last few months, I have learned new things about myself.

1. I thought I hated being alone. That's not true. What I hated was loneliness. Being alone is actually ok. 
2. I am not happy being away from my son. I am away because of material reasons. If you are a reader of this blog, you know what I went through a year or so ago...I am terrified that I will go through that again if I leave the comfort of my current situation--but I am also aware that the only part of my life that IS happy is my wallet. Everything else is for shit. But that is ok. That is the WAY that it is supposed to be right now. 
3. I have come to realize that the things that make me the happiest have nothing to do with anyone else. It is ALL on me.

So what now? Do I continue the path? Do I wake up tomorrow and accept? 

No. I do not. 

"It is what it is" - That damned saying that has been so misunderstood. It means simply that today is today. Understand it and move on. It has NOTHING to do with acceptance. Just because you understand that something is right or wrong in your life, doesn't mean that you have to accept it or like it. 

Take the steps. Release control of the outcome, but take the steps nonetheless. 

You will unveil the answers that are already within you. 

Peace to you. I will be here more. I will stay true to it and to myself.

Kit